Power Cuts

They have recommenced,
Forced to immerse ourselves in darkness
Sitting under starry skies,
Enjoying the Indian Ocean breeze.
I reminisce times, two decades ago,
When this was the norm 
Sitting in the dark,
Taking notes in the candlelight night. 
Or rolling on the cool tiled floor 
To keep the heat at bay. 
Power cuts, what memories they bring
A shared tale between my generation and the next. 

My Cocoon Phase

Many drafts later, I seem to have something that I feel can be shared. 

I have recently started to think it's tragic that I appear to be miscommunicating quite a bit as someone who prides herself in being a communicator. Let me explain myself a little bit about what I mean. I should also probably say that these realisations I am referring to didn't occur overnight, and were in fact born out of months of work on myself (making a conscious decision to improve myself). 

During a conversation with one of my best friends, I realised that perhaps I need to re-evaluate how I express myself. This realisation occurred especially regarding more personal interactions, and not for formal interactions, like those at work or when engaging with unknown people. This made me think I clearly needed to up my personal communication skills! And this is perhaps one way to own up to the realisations my friend and I had during the conversation (apparently we have some similar issues :D) I guess I could say this conversation helped me really pin point what may cause miscommunication. 

No biggie, but we have childhood conditioning taking the first place. I think, as I become wiser in years (please don't burst my bubble) I realise there is so much childhood conditioning that takes place as we grow up. And I feel this is the reason why I am said to be a serious person or people tell me not to take things seriously. Let me explain, I feel like the circumstances I was raised in, the kind of people my parents are and the expectations society had of me, made into this serious person I am said to be. But in reality, this is not who I am, as at times, I am not doing what I want to do, or perhaps not in the way I want to. You might say tough luck I can't necessarily blame these circumstances; but what I do know is that my parents had certain expectations of me as an individual and also expected me to set an example for my brother. They also wanted me to shoulder certain responsibilities as the elder child and behave a certain way, as a 'girl'. Did I mention my parents were conservative and somewhat older than perhaps parents of others my age? Well, this is what is it, this upbringing is part of who I am and partly responsible for how I see the world and the circumstances before me. The lesson I am currently learning is to unlearn all these childhood limitations and conditioning and to lead a life that suits me, for the person I am. But, we know this will take sometime and a lot of soul searching on my part to let myself be who I am or want to be. 

The second realisation stems from the seriousness I mentioned above. And I think its also to do with my profession. I don't think I have mentioned it, but I do have a day job (that takes a lot of my time) that's besides writing poetry and prose. I am an academic and this profession likewise comes with a certain responsibility and seriousness as the future of many young people are in my hands. Again society has conditioned how a 'teacher' ought to be, and this conditioning in the Sri Lankan society makes me behave a certain way or have a serious outlook on life. The lesson here is to learn to relax and be the kind of person that suits the situation. I suppose its also understanding that just because society dictates that a teacher has to be responsible and set an example, there is no reason for me to not be able to unwind and enjoy life with my peers and students. 

Going down memory lane, I recall I have always had this habit of being curious and asking questions to satisfy this curiosity. It also partly stems from wanting to have a clearer picture of what I am experiencing or of something that is being explained to me. And I have come to appreciate this more as I teach as it helps me change the way I express myself to suit a larger audience, because I am aware that no two people understand or grasp something the same way. But the realisation was that this questioning could also be understood as being selfish; now this is not something I had thought about before. It's a fresh perspective. So much so that people can misunderstand my need to understand something better or clearer as me quesitoning their words or actions. It's quite unfortunate, as that's not the intention. And even more so as the intention is quite the opposite, i.e. to better relate and connect with the other person. So the lesson here is to seek information in such a way that doesn't hurt the other person, whilst also trying to grasp the bigger picture for myself.

The last point for this post is about accepting when I am wrong and being humble enough to admit it. I am by nature a stubborn person; something I seem to have learned from my parents who tend to be rather inflexible. But I have realised this isn't something to be proud about and over the last few months, I have tried to be more accommodating of others' views and even admiting when I am in the wrong. I must say this is quite refreshing and it is even calming on the body, as I am not carrying unnecessary emotional baggage. And I have learned how to genuinely apologise when in the wrong and accept that there are alternative perspectives to how I view things. 

This is why I feel like I am in a cocoon phase; unlearning past experiences and learning better ones in order to improve myself. I believe this will not only make me a better person but also a pleasant person. Fingers crossed to making it work. :) 

Hope: A New Lease of Life

Hope,

This is what I received

As I walked out the door.

For the first time in many years

I dared to look towards the future;

To hope for better days,

and a better life.

I wasn't merely existing.

I was going to live!

Hope,

I dared to believe in the future,

Dared to believe in the wonders of life

Of the many things that are to be explored. 

Hope,

I grinned from ear to ear

As I was given a new lease of life.

Thirty-two floors above

I realised how insignificant life could be

As I watched you walk about, 

Yes you, the one with a full-blown ego. 

You think you are important. 

Ruining other people's lives, their dreams. 

You don't care, I thought, as I watched you walk by. 

I was watching the bus, yellow, with its tiny wheels rolling. 

Ready to take you to work or wherever you want to go. 

Thirty-two floors above,  seated here near the window, 

I felt I was almost touching the heavens. 

Yes, I was near the clouds. 

I wondered what your life would become,

As you flow through life, and what you would do, away from your suit. 

But I decided not to worry, as I was thirty-two floors above. 

- Robes of a Muse

You lingered

I didn't ask for much.

That was the bitter truth.

I gave you my time,

I gave you my love. 

I didn't ask for much,

You see.

You lingered,

You still do in a way,

That peripherial manner

You dance around 

The boxing ring.

You lingered.

I see you,

Quite frequently, at that 

And stop myself feeling,

Walking down the memory lane.

As I am a witness to your beauty. 

  - Robes of a Muse 

For the ungrateful

I cannot let this cancer grow
any longer. 
So, I must speak. 
As my spirit grows stronger.
You never cared, 
pretended to be there.
But,
You cut me behind my back.
Your blood was all a lie
Not thicker than water or wine.
You are a swine,
A canker in my mind.
Stink.
Profound! 
Spreading in the midnight air.
I dare say, I no longer care. 
I let go,
Release the bonds,
For I must find
My peace of mind. 
So, go.
Go out of my mind.
So, go.
For I mustn't let you grow.

    - Robes of a Muse

Oh privileged one!

You sit at home
feeling sorry for yourself.
A comfortable home,
with an AC, a fridge and online shopping. 
They still toil in the sun,
sweeping and cleaning,
harvesting their crop;
feeling responsible for what they do.
Others at home, unable to feed
children lay hungry, weeping daily. 
Do you still feel sorry,
Oh privileged one!
You have more,
what they have none. 

  - Robes of a Muse 

Working from home

What day is it today?
A Monday, a Tuesday or a Friday?
I no longer feel the days go by.
The week, feeling like an eternal blur.
The weekend came and I didn't know.
The clock stopped striking
And the sun, forever glowed.
The koel coos,
Perched on the mango tree.
Leaves rustling
Ever so softly.
What day is it today?
I have lost count. 
I no longer know.
I no longer know...

  - Robes of a Muse

The Poor Family of Four

It was curfew again.

The tenth day in a row. 

Food was fast dwindling,

Savings he had naught. 

Cabbages and pumpkins,

Some rice on the shelf too.

What to eat tomorrow, 

Was on his thoughts more.

Wife and children he had to feed,

Job was no longer a hope. 

This Corona came 

and messed his world

Just as it became heavily pearled.

He looked at the starry sky

Questioned the gods above

Why are they doing this to him,

His poor family of four. 

    - Robes of a Muse 

Her Grief

It happened again.
Softly she weeped,
behind the lace curtain. 
He slowed peeped,
Shifting the curtain slightly.
Mother on the bed laid.
Curled.
She was crying again,
with grief engulfed.
Her body quivering with every sob,
Like a bus over an ill-paved road. 
She sobbed. 
This is what he remembered,
as he reminisced. 
His mother in grief. 

  - Robes of a Muse 

The Attack

I crumbled.
The Shangri-La had been attacked,
I heard.

I pictured us,
Seated near that window seat,
Staring into each other's eyes,
As the golden hues of the sun 
set over the Indian Ocean blues. 

A part of me broke.
No one I knew was injured.
But the memory of the location,
that table, the place, of you...
It was ominous,
Symbolised where we were.
Apart. 

I was in turmoil,
Whether to contact you. 
I cried within,
Reminiscing that evening. 
A fire went out somewhere,
With that attack on April 21st,
and little did I realise,
It was within. 

      - Robes of a Muse

With Love

What do you do when you miss someone? 

Do you let your thoughts wander, 

Your feelings flow

Or let your eyes speak the words

You are reluctant to speak? 

How do you come to terms

With not being close to someone?

When their presence is what you yearn for

And their warmth your hearth.

When do you come to terms

With not being around your loved one? 

Is it through distance,

Or not having a piece of their love? 

What do you do when you miss someone? 

Tell me if you have a remedy, 

For my heart bleeds with love, 

And I dare not express these feelings of enormity. 

        - Robes of a Muse 

The Piano Player

Fingers flew over the coloured keys, 

Tunes flying, 

Mesmerising the audience.

Calmness enveloped me, 

As I watched the hands, 

Hypnotised, 

In meditation, perhaps. 

My mind strolled down memory lane, 

Thoughts gushed, 

Yet, very serenely. 

This was the cure I needed today. 

Beautiful tunes, 

Penetrating my mind, 

Easing my heart 

And calming my soul. 

         - Robes of a Muse

Destruction by Humanity

Cities change, buildings grow,
Roads widen and are straight.
Winds blow stronger, 
Nights grow darker.

We try to breathe,
Suffocate, holding our lungs.
Trees cut, flowers no longer bloom.
Butterflies die, and the colours erode.

Suffocate as the cities warm,
Shades of grey is what we see.
Rainbows, familiar no more.
Die, all of humanity in indecency. 

          - Robes of a Muse

Healing Mother Earth: A Conspiracy

To start where I left the earlier post on purging. I don't know if you would agree with me, but ever since the outbreak of this Coronavirus in December 2019, I have been of the opinion that it is part of Mother Earth's grand plan. I am now starting to see people talking about it. But as a child of the Universe, I felt it as soon as the virus broke out, and started affecting and taking the lives of hundreds of people. The fact that it commenced in the most populous country, didn't go amiss. The Earth has finally spoken and is taking stern measures to cleanse itself of the humankind's excrement and excesses - and aren't we all about being excessive these days!

I bet the planet decided it needed to take matters into its own hands, seeing that it is suffering and being suffocated. Hopefully, this will be an eye-opener for those who are seeing and listening. Waste - and vast amounts of that, be it food, plastic, burning fossile fuels is actually causing a massive burden on the planet. Most humans are too naive or even selfish to understand the repurcussions and the negative impact all this has on Mother Earth. 

We need to be more considerate. It again boils down to being empathetic and understanding of our surroundings. It ultimately boils down to the fact that we are holding this planet in trusteeship, so that we can leave it in a better condition or at least in the same condition we found it, for the future generations. I hope the humankind understands this, as our Mother Nature bleeds, and we continue to be the guilty party. 

So people, please do your part to help. Be more conscious of your environment and your actions. 

Heal Mother Nature, heal!

                   - Robes of a Muse

                                   

Covid-19 and the Sri Lankan Ego

Oh dear me! I feel like my head would explode if I don't write and purge all these thoughts in my head! So many things are happening and I am feeling the feels. Let's start with the noval Coronavirus (Covid-19) - let's be honest, we all have something to say about it. But I want to tell you my thoughts on what's happening in Sri Lanka. 

I'm very sad to see the behaviour of some of our citizens, going on trips and attending mass gatherings when the government has declared public holidays, in order to contain the spread of Covid-19. I don't think these people understand that going on pilgrimages and travelling together etc is exactly what the government is trying to prevent - mass gatherings. I wonder whether these people are actually unconcerned for their well-being and also making me reconsider both their sanity and intellectual capacity. Basically, are our people this stupid?!

Some are blaming the government for having not taken adequate action to contain the virus. I agree, more stringent measures could have been taken at the outset. But that doesn't mean, blaming the government and the authorities is going to help. Don't you think it is also equally important to see how each of us, as individuals can help assist the situation? Are we not concerned as to how either we or our immediate family and friends could be kept safe? Don't we want them to be safe? Does this thought not occur to the vast majority? 

I'm appaulled by the selfishness and lack of empathy in most people. They think only others have to protect themselves and it's the government's responsiblity to protect everyone. Are they really selfish to think they can live their priviledged lives and expect the government to clean-up after they have soiled themselves - like, really? I wonder if this is an indication of things to come and how our generation will proceed to the future. If so, I wish Covid-19 would honestly take away all these selfish and egoistic people, so we can live a better life on this planet. I mean, after all, the Planet is purging (more on this in another post). 

Toodles.

                  - Robes of a Muse

Honesty

Honesty is the best policy, they say.
But people didn't read the fine print,
Or so, I would like to say.
To wag their tongues, with a fine pint,
Is not the way to feelings betray. 

Question why it is done.
All should say, no to you my son. 
You see, honesty is the valued policy,
Often sought alongside consistency. 

Tell the truth, 
Never a lie, 
For the latter is uncouth,
And you would look nothing more than a fly.

         - Robes of a Muse

Words

They are such powerful tools,
That can make us intelligent or fools. 
They can uplift or kill someone's mood. 
Words are real blessings or can be very crude. 

Words, I have realised,
Are actually characterised,
By the love and kindness
That we bring to it with mindfulness. 

Oh! Words, dear words,
The approach needs to be towards,
Transformation and forgiveness,
Not based on pure impulsiveness. 

- Robes of a Muse

Afraid of Life

Yet again you walked away,
Afraid to feel,
Letting your heartsongs pull.
You rush away,
Even though you say you want more from life,
You hide, afraid to show your true self.
You dislike being vulnerable,
To let your wall of solitude crumble. 
You cry for companionship,
But dislike partnerships.
Tell me love, do you wish to 
Always live like this,
Afraid of what the world has to offer you?

- Robes of a Muse