Thirty-two floors above

I realised how insignificant life could be

As I watched you walk about, 

Yes you, the one with a full-blown ego. 

You think you are important. 

Ruining other people's lives, their dreams. 

You don't care, I thought, as I watched you walk by. 

I was watching the bus, yellow, with its tiny wheels rolling. 

Ready to take you to work or wherever you want to go. 

Thirty-two floors above,  seated here near the window, 

I felt I was almost touching the heavens. 

Yes, I was near the clouds. 

I wondered what your life would become,

As you flow through life, and what you would do, away from your suit. 

But I decided not to worry, as I was thirty-two floors above. 

- Robes of a Muse

I am grateful for 2019 because...

A friend of mine recently started this initiative to privately tell a bunch of people about our achievements for 2019. It was simply titled "I am proud of myself because... " Having written down a list, I realised I have accomplished a lot this year, and that I have so much to be grateful for. This is why I am instead, renaming this post as 'I am grateful for 2019 because...'

Here's an extended version of what I shared on that group:

1. For my family and close group of friends. 
2. For my doggie's constant presence in my life, helping me through the difficult times in my life.
3. I have become more patient and understanding. 
4. I am more laid back. 
5. I healed from a spinal injury within a year. 
6. I am slowly but surely getting back to achieving my fitness goals.
7. I am saying 'no', to anything that isn't good for my physical and emotional health. 
8. I represented Sri Lanka twice within the calender year. 
9. I have been recognised for my academic achievements. 
10. I have submitted my research work according to my personal deadlines. 
11. I have published a lot this year, both professionally and creatively (like the poetry on this blog). 
12. I visited two new countries within the year. (My personal goal is to travel to one new country each year.) 
13. I recognised my self-worth. 
14. I embraced my inner-self and am enjoying my solitude. 
15. I am fortunate to have met three elementry school friends after 21 years!
16. I am healing and letting go of my past. 
17. I have made new connections and some who have become good friends. 
18. Of the opportunities that came my way and the professional exposure I have got this year!
19. I realised I am lucky and blessed!
20. For my colleagues who have been very supportive of me.

Wouldn't you agree that it's quite the list now? :) 

December feelings

Why do I feel this way, 

My heart sinking low? 

I see them hands entwined 

And wonder, where you are so. 

I hear the laughter and the cheers, 

Missing the merry merth myself. 

I look around at the joyous faces

And wish I felt equally so. 

Singing, dancing, worlds colliding, 

I wonder when mine will be.

I miss the days when I was one, 

One with happiness and glee. 

- Robes of a Muse

The Mask

His eyes sparkelled

But the tears were welling up

About to spill over, like a cascade. 

He smiled bright, pearly whites shinning. 

But within, his heart ached, 

It weighed. 

He didn't show his sadness, 

Or his troubles, 

But wore a brave face and travelled
Speading his wings wide 
In the direction of the wind.

He hugged the world, 
And held on tight to the memories

For his love wasn't there to hug him. 

- Robes of a Muse

Last breath

Choked. 

Unable to breathe. 

Hands tighten around the throat. 

Suffocation. 

Tears dripping down the face. 

Flood gates open. 

Chaos. 

The head hurts. 

It throbs and bursts. 

Silence. 

It consumes the space. 

- Robes of a Muse 

A wave of nostalgia

It hits you when you least expect it,
The wave of nostalgia, that is. 
It rolls in your stomach 
And weighs on your heart.
Permitting fleeting memories 
To fly by in your mind's eye.
It makes you miss things,
People, situations and everything in between.
Even when you know they didn't serve you well. 
You miss it,
'coz it hits you,
In the faintest possible way. 
Nostalgic moments in language,
When you flip the page of a book or a note.
But it definitely hits you
When you least expect it. 

- Robes of a Muse 

Realisation

There is a reason why
We are told,
The tortoise ran the race slowly.
It's a metaphor of life,
This race.
And life is meant to be lived,
Experienced and enjoyed slowly.
Leisurely.
It is meant to be appreciated,
Not rushed.
Like the rabbit,
Who ran the race.
A high speed life does not befit one.
For you don't learn and grow.
You merely survive, from day to day.
Just live,
Barely scratching the surface.
To truly experience life,
You must live it.
Delve deep into it,
And appreciate it slowly.
Like you would, a nice glass of wine.

- Robes of a Muse

Today

Today.
Today is the beginning of tomorrow,
Of the future to come.
And the end of yesterday,
The past, the history
And the miles I walked.
Today is a beautiful day
Full of potential.
The blue skies greet me,
Acknowledging my thoughts.
Today, is the present.
The day when wonders
Begin to come alight.
Today.

- Robes of a Muse

Enveloped

A dark cloud enveloped me,
It was sudden and swift.
My pleasant mood didn't have a chance.
It died, a very quick death.
It weighed down in my gut.
The taste of metal,
Left on my tongue.
It pulled at my heart,
Taking me,
Drowning my happiness,
Hook, line and sinker.
The lightness in me evaporated.
I weighed,
A few tonnes, I felt.
It's sickening, I thought.
What a simple memory,
A moment of truth, can do to you.

- Robes of a Muse

One day...

One day you will look back on life,
Maybe as you reminisce in your old age,
Or as you await death,
When you are frail.
On that day,
You will think of me,
And marvel at the love you lost,
The love you so foolishly discarded.
So today, I will smile
Knowing, you are making a big mistake
But happy, that I am ready,
For a better and greater love.

- Robes of a Muse

The Wish

If you see this,
I hope you know
I wanted the best
For the both of us.
I wish we could have
Said goodbye,
Not hiding,
And definitely not vanishing.
I wish,
You would have been honest,
Taking time,
To tell me what you feel.
I feel betrayed
By what you are doing.
But I wish you
Nothing but the best.

- Robes of a Muse

Glitch

If one person gives
And the other always takes,
One will get hurt,
And you can guess which.
It's a recipe for disaster,
For it's not without a glitch.
They need to meet in the middle,
In between their two worlds.
Compromise is the word for that,
And there is no way around it.
Effort is what is put,
When you are clear about your intentions.
Let the other know for sure,
Without dancing around the bush.

- Robes of a Muse

Love is....

Love is effortless,
Some say.
But they are wrong,
I differ, by the way.
It's not always
Rainbows and butterflies,
But the daily grind
And pulling the weight.
Love is not instantaneous,
It's by far from that.
It's about being there for the other,
Through the struggles,
Taking the risk,
Even on matters of the heart.
Building and encouraging each other,
Some times being their faith and hope,
But also their most kind critic.
Love, is many things.
But I know, for me,
It's what you make me feel.
A better person, each and every day.

- Robes of a Muse

Rain

Much needed rain,
At the wrong time of the day,
Seeking solace,
By telling us what it has to say.
Are you crying for the present
Or the future, that's still at bay?

- Robes of a Muse

Seeing you

I hoped to see you soon,
But that would lead to expectation,
And end up hurting me.
So I thought of Elton John,
When he sang "somewhere out of the blue",
Because that's what my life sounded like.
Me wandering around town thinking,
"I'll turn and I'll see you."
Or maybe the reverse.
My hope of seeing you is too strong
That I no longer want to socialise
Because that would increase my chances of
Seeing you around.
Hope, expectation, disappointment.
Looks like they are a trio teaching me about life with you.

- Robes of a Muse

How do you miss someone you know?

How do you miss someone you know?
Is it their physical presence that we seek,
Or their heart and soul?
Why do we like to hear another's voice?
Is it because it helps bridge the gap
Dividing, putting distance between people?
How do you miss someone that's in your life?
Is it because they are half way in or
Because you know you want to give them more space?
So, how do we know when we miss someone?
Is it when our heart aches to be near them,
Lay in their embrace, seeking comfort in their scent?
I wonder, how we know when we miss someone...

- Robes of a Muse

A Memory, Slipping Away

With each passing day
The contours of your face become hazy,
Less prominent
And fade away.
I can't seem to remember how your lips
Curled at the edges when you smiled,
Or when your eyes sparkled with glee.
I feel it, but the picture in my mind
Slowly fades away,
A memory, slipping from my mind.

- Robes of a Muse

Flowing in the Sansarik journey

Our lives flow in this Sansarik chakra,
I know of this.
Reminiscing old memories and living in the past is unhealthy,
I know this.
I am merely trying to keep afloat,
Not drowning in the deep dark waters that invite me, seduce me.

I do look to the future,
Bright and happy,
Welcoming the immense possibilities ahead of me.
I know this.
I know my mind holds the key,
That my abilities and my youthfulness
Provide me with the stepping stone for this journey.

All this I know and am aware of.
You are right,
There is pain in the pleasure.
Like you, I endure this,
As I tread on my sansarik journey.

- Robes of a Muse

And it strikes!

And it strikes!
I'm trying to find meaning,
Watching the birds that fly,
Staring at sunrises over the horizon
Feeling the wind blow softly, across my face.

Grateful,
That's what I feel each waking day,
Knowing that I'm lucky to be here,
Able to live another day.

Meaning,
I try to find, in the people I meet,
The conversations I have,
And in each day I live.
Wondering, what all this means.

Heavy,
That's what my soul feels.
Tired of this daily grind,
Being stored away at home,
Not living my life.

And slowly it sets in,
Spreading over my body like a kanker,
Engulfing me, shutting my bodily light.
I'm drowning.
I'm drowning, unable to swim against the tide.
I'm drowning, as it slowly sets in.

- Robes of a Muse

What do you do?

What do you do when you no longer care,
Whether it rains or shines,
Or the land is bare?
What happens when you stop wondering whether the birds will fly,
The squirrels chirp or the cows moo?
Similar are the feelings, when people move,
Miles distancing their smiles and their faces fade.
You look back and smile,
Reminiscing the memories,
You look around after a while and keep walking.
Such is life, when things that mattered once,
Don't seem as important.
The clock ticks, the sun sets and the moon is high again.
So you start walking, in the direction of life
Because that is all you know to do.

- Robes of a Muse