A week or so ago, I came across this video by Jay Shetty called 'If you fall in love Too Fast' and as always, Shetty makes sense. But, something in particular that Shetty said, struck a cord. The following is the quote that made a lot of sense to me:
"Don't make someone fall in love with you, if you don't know how to love them."
Personally, I thought this was a refreshing perspective to everything that's been said. Almost always, people point fingers at the one getting hurt, saying they did this or that wrong. Whilst it's perfectly fine and also important to improve one's weaknesses and control feelings, it's also equally important to turn the tables and see what's causing these people to feel and act this way. Surely, one doesn't fall in love with another on their own accord. There's another person to the equation that's fuelling these feelings.
So, I applaud Shetty for taking a moment to acknowledge this in a video he is telling people to becareful with their feelings, as he is also telling the 'other person', not to use someone else.
Let's focus a little more on this. I have come across a variety of instances where relationships of all types, from marriages to couples in committed relationships fall apart. I have also seen quite a few personalities online talking about relationships in the 21st century. Even my friends and I discuss about dating in the modern era, where things seem to have changed. People's wants and needs, how they perceive relationships etc. seem to have changed.
It appears a significant population seem to want fleeting connections and it appears to be an increasing trend. The casual connections and relationships seem to be the new 'in' thing, where interactions are maintained only on the surface. They seek instant gratification. But I am here to talk about this quotation, "Don't make someone fall in love with you, if you don't know how to love them."
This is important, because you could either intentionally or unintentionally make someone fall in love with you, especially if you are not seeking that kind of love. In which case, you need to see whether you really want a committment and whether you are capable of loving someone in return.
The interesting aspect of this quote is that it draws our attention to how we feel in a relationship and what we want from it. For example, it tells people that they should not lead another on, if they are not going to respect the other person's feelings. It speaks of respect, volumes of it. And, it is important to respect one another in a relationship.
It's brutal to lead a person on, indicating that you care about them, when in fact, you are either unsure about what you want in the said relationship or whether you want to be in a relationship at all. It's brutal because you make them like you, fall in love with you, a person who isn't able to reciprocate their feelings. And you end up hurting them, breaking them.
This also points towards honesty. Being upfront and frank about what you want with another human being. Not leading them on and not hurting them.
It's brutal to lead a person on, indicating that you care about them, when in fact, you are either unsure about what you want in the said relationship or whether you want to be in a relationship at all. It's brutal because you make them like you, fall in love with you, a person who isn't able to reciprocate their feelings. And you end up hurting them, breaking them.
This also points towards honesty. Being upfront and frank about what you want with another human being. Not leading them on and not hurting them.
So, it looks like Shetty has given a lot to think. Remember that it is important to treat people nicely, with love and kindness. And don't lead someone else on, just because you don't know what you want.
"Don't make someone fall in love with you, if you don't know how to love them."