Immobility

I met with an accident roughly two weeks ago. It was the first accident of this nature that I had to experience. Needless to say, I was shocked. Even today - two weeks later - it's still unbelievable.

I remember the impact. Then the next thing I know, I feel the car shifting side ways; it was beyond my control. I remember objects hitting me. I remember applying the brakes as pedestrians appeared before me. And then I remember being in inexplainable shock. The driver and the passengers from the other vehicle were shouting, but it was like my mind had stopped working. 

I won't even talk about how it felt to be alone as a woman going through all this. As much as I am appreciative of the men who came forward to help, I also realised the driver who knocked me and his people were trying to blame me; victimise me. As if the ordeal of the whole thing wasn't enough for me to deal with. 

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The first thing I felt when I was home was the headache followed by nausea. I realised this was caused by the concussion. As I was wrapping my head around these feelings, I realised both my neck and spine too were hurting. This, I knew was bad. Very very bad. As someone who has grown up with spine aches, I knew the pain I felt wasn't ordinary. 

So began my horrors. After being admitted to the hospital for the mandatory 24 hours of observation, I met my orthopaedic who - after many scans and x-rays later - informed me I have a spinal fracture! As if wearing a collar for three weeks wasn't bad enough, I was then adviced to wear a lumbar sacral belt for six weeks. 

And commenced by days of being immobile or as a friends said, "being grounded." Wearing the collar and belt seems far simpler when considering I am unable to move about independently. I am not permited to take the stairs, lift heavy objects, shopping bags or even a handbag. I am unable to travel about - not having the vehicle is partly responsible - but I doubt I could with all this body armour of mine.

This led me to realise how independent I am and how much I value being able to do things on my own. I also realised how much work I do and how freely I generally move about. This realisation and understanding is awfully depressing, seeing that there is neither a way to turn back the clock nor anything I can do but follow medical advice to heal soon. The pain in the neck and spine doesn't make this realisation any sweeter either. 

But there is a silver lining to this. I have come to appreciate my family more. I have realised my father has and would continue to weather the storms to ensure I am recovering. As a result, he's probably the most strict about my movements. This also made me realise how important it is to have a close group of friends. Friends who would support and also provide me with enough distractions to ensure I don't end up in the loony bin. 

These are small victories. But it still remains that I have to sacrifice on being independent and being able to manage my own life. At 30 years, this is a bombshell of an experience. And it is generally the inability to manage on one's own that actually affects the person the most, and I am realising this, albeit the hard way.