Extraordinary Bus Talk

I was travelling home that night, after work and a meet up with a friend. It was around the usual time I am accustomed to traveling home and the generally uneventful ride too. I had my music on as I was feeling a little sleepy & tired. Half way in to my otherwise mundane ride home, I had to face, rather come across an unusual encounter.

I am sure those who travel in public transport are aware that one can come across many interesting conversations whilst travelling. However, much as I have been made to listen involuntary to many conversations, I have yet to come across a conversation as appalling as the one I heard that night. 

A young man-I later learn he's 25 years old and is a dealer in furniture in Indibedda, Moratuwa- starts off by having loud conversations on the phone with a few of his friends. He, quite loudly at that, tells a friend that he's welcome to visit his house and enjoy a smoke should he wish to. He tells the place the cigarettes are hidden and where to smoke it so as to not be found by his parents. This stuck in my mind. As he kept getting numerous calls asking him where he is, he kept lying to those at the receiving end, stating that he's close by and would be there in a minute or two, when in fact he was more than half an hour away from his agreed meeting point. 

The said young man then found an empty seat behind me and sat next to a school going boy. After a few more annoyingly loud conversations on the phone, he turned to the school kid and asked him in English what he was studying and what grade he was studying. This is where all the fun or should I say more appropriately, the shock begins! 

I heard this conversation over the blaring radio to which I was content listening to. This young man strikes up his conversation with this school kid by asking what grade he is. Promptly the kid replies that he's studying in the Maths stream for his A/Ls. Further questions revealed that the kid was an Anandian, who was going home after tuition classes. The young man asked him some personal questions in to his family such as if he has any sisters and their age. This, is where my ears pricked up as I was concerned and rather stunned with the reply the school kid gave. Without any hesitation, the school kid replied with entire details. He has two elder sisters. One is 28 years old, the other, 24 years. The young man was interested in the latter of the two and inquired her details. She is working at the Seylan Bank, and luckily for that girl, this younger brother of her's didn't know the branch she was working in. This the young man found strange that the sibling didn't know further details. The young man then inquired in to further personal details such as the school kid's whereabouts. I couldn't believe my ears! The kid gave the exact location of his house. I almost fell off the seat in shock! The lady sitting next to me was fidgeting in the seat. I really wanted to turn around in my seat and tell the school kid that he should be insane to be telling total strangers about the whereabouts of his sisters. I wanted to tell him that as a woman and a sister, I would definitely be worried if I had a sibling like him, who rattles my personal details to total random strangers. I was sure glad that the kid didn't know the branch where the sister worked, because, had he known or told, I am sure that young man would have asked for her name etc. 

I sincerely wished the conversation ended there. However, things weren't to be the way I, a by-standing listener to this conversation wanted it to be. 

The young man proceeded to ask the school kid if he had a girl friend, to which he got an affirmative answer. He then proceeded to ask the kid if they had "sex" and if he liked "asses and legs". I swear my eyes were going to pop out! I couldn't believe it! He went on to say that he enjoyed having sex and liked asses very much. The young man told the kid that he should have as much sex as he can with the girlfriend. And this topic of conversation went on for a while. I should make it clear at this point that I have no objection with people talking about sex or sharing their thoughts about the opposite sex. However, I feel there's a place to do so and surely not in a bus for the entire bus load to hear! Or in this case, not to talk of women in such a manner when there are other girls /women around! I felt really aggravated. I wanted to turn around and tell them that I feel this is not the place to have such a conversation and certainly not within earshot of other women. I wanted to tell the two of them that they should be ashamed of themselves. 

Fortunately or unfortunately-I don't know which- their topic of conversation changed. It then moved on to smoking. The schooling kid asked the young man whether he smoked. He said "yes, do you get the smell?" This was such a 'what the eff' remark to me! The young man asked the kid if he smoked. I couldn't hear the answer the kid gave, but I could guess the answer from the conversation that followed. The young man liked the answer and further encouraged the deed by asking if he had tried weed. When the kid's answer was negative, he was willing to introduce weed to him. I winced at what was going on. Again, I feel it's one thing for an individual to tread the wrong path, but to drag others along is unacceptable. Also, I felt really sorry for the kid. He was being stupid. I don't know whether he was trying to look 'cool' or what ever it is, but he was surely making a fool of himself. 

By this time, we were in Katubedda. The young man was going to get off in Moratuwa. The school kid in a few halts, as he had told the young man that he lived in Katubedda. The young man then went on to advice him on how he should conduct himself in school. He told the kid that he shouldn't take any advice from the teachers, and that he should merely listen in class without answering any of the teachers' questions. He said, this method will get him through school. He further insisted on advising him on methods to pass his A/Ls, such as by doing past papers. At this point I wanted to turn around and ask the young man what authority he had to advice the school kid on getting through exams. But I refrained as I wasn't sure if it would be smart. But I didn't want to see a school kid go down the drain. 

They both got off before I did, and I was in a mixture of emotions. I was shocked to an unbelievable height due to the school boy's reactions and total openness with a stranger, seething with anger as a sister and a woman in how we were discussed in public as if we are some 'creature' that should be enjoyed and discarded. I was ashamed for the two of them. I was shocked beyond words, utterly speechless because I couldn't believe I had heard this. I started questioning if my brother too would do something like this. When I told my brother this, he said he's not insane to talk with strangers in this manner. I think my shock has toned down a bit, but recalling that moment, I still can't fathom what I overheard. 

Another Day

The concern in her voice,

The helplessness in his,

The hurt and betrayal in another

Is what I came to see.

Anger in her voice

While I test her patience.

Making another scared,

While I cry out desperately.

I came to realise

All is not at end.

When looking around me

I will find the beginnings,

For another day!

*** I know I have not done justice to this poem in trying to express what I really want to and have to say. What I truly wanted to convey is that I'm grateful for all of you, who stood by me, during some very dark days, and helped bring the light back into my life. I'm eternally indebted for that!I also want all of you to know that your love and concern has touched me greatly and I truly hope that the light which is alive in m now will glow for many years to come.I want to say thank you and that I' truly touched by the love and that I'm lucky to have such supportive friends surrounding me!!

THANK YOU & LOVE YOU ALL!! ***

An old poem.

Malignant Growth

This is what they call it; a canker that is. The layman probably might not know what this is. This growth, but we all know, it can be deadly if not treated on time.

I had to visit the cancer hospital in Maharagama the other day. No, it was not to make a generous contribution of something. I went to see a patient, my aunt. This is not the first time there. Once before I had to visit my uncle who received treatment for cancer and who later, passed away. Initially, going to the hospital was a bit-what can I say?-'weird'? I had heard so much about how depressing the place was from persons who had visited it before. Therefore I wasn't too keen on going. The only thing that did made me, was the wanting to see my uncle. This time, it was different. I knew the place wasn't bad as it's known to be. I now know the hundreds of people seeking treatment within get the best attention and medical treatment that can be given.

My uncle smoked tobacco and thus harmed himself to the point that one of his lungs started to liquefy. Yes, he was in pain in the latter stages of his life. It is this pain that got him to the hospital. Even though he was advised-medically- that quitting this habit could save his life, early on, he never listened. He continued to torture his already damaged lungs by smoking. From this I relearned some thing. That smoking does in fact kill people! It does not only cause growths inside a person, it also takes away part of the human, even the entire being, in the worst case scenario. My uncle's callousness in not following medical advice and continuing this bad habit, killed him-literally. This I would call, inflicting death upon oneself.

My aunt on the other hand, has a growth in her body, which she has had for the past so many years, I am told. She didn't know she had a growth in her until it caused her pain. Even then, she sought to take some pain killers and relieve it. She is to be operated and the growth areas are to be removed from her body. Let's see how that goes. What really worries me is that with all the modern day awareness that takes place with regard to cancer, she didn't attempt to get this 'pain' checked. We, as her family were shocked beyond words to hear that the cancer has been growing for so many years and without her knowledge.

I guess, this calls for more self awareness with regard to diseases such as cancer. We, as individuals need to keep check of ourselves, because it's us who will be suffering both physically and mentally if we are to go through something like this, and we also bring pain to those around, who love us.

I merely thought we should be aware of this 'growth' and go on to take the correct steps medically to help oneself and those who face the pain with us.

Haunting Memories

The face I want to forget

           is etched in my mind.

The words I want to forget
          swim in my mind.

The voice I once longed to hear,
          remains a memory in my mind.

The moments spent, keep haunting me,
           as I try in vain to forget. 

SAYC: a journey, a memory, a lesson, a family

mus

I wanted to go to the 1st South Asian Youth Conference [SAYC] for several reasons. The foremost reason being my friend Ritu from India, who shared the programme with me, was applying for the same. The secondary reasons were to network with fellow South Asians, and then of course to relax. Little did I expect the programme to be so tightly packed with a variety of sessions that were physically challenging as well as mentally stimulating. 

The lead up to the Conference was very chaotic. It had its ups and downs, but in the end there were six Sri Lankans who confirmed to participate. 

I remember the journey only too well. Sitting at the Katunayake Airport talking to Chathu  till we had to board the plane as if we were in either one's living room, walking around the Bangalore Airport as if it was home and we had not made plans to move out, getting on the shuttle bus that seemed like it was never going to reach its final destination, being dropped off in the middle of the road [literally] with no clue as to which side to go to, finally getting in to an auto that had no clue where we wanted to go and the auto driver asking us for directions [truly India you see], and then Chathu and I enjoying the view and nearly missing IIM-B because the auto walla [driver] had no clue where he was taking us. To have thought that was the end of our confusions was a big mistake. We, in our hearts of hearts thought now that we were safely inside the campus premises, things were going to be all right. However, it was not the case. Pulling our luggage out of the auto, we were met by Vaibhav, who directed us to the hostel block for registrations. This hostel block proved hard to find. Make that impossible. Trudging heavy luggage with us, ascending and descending countless flights of stairs to no gain was a heart breaker. It was in this state of lost-ness did we come upon Brijesh, who was equally lost. Little did I know that later on, we were going to be members of the same family! 

26th May 2011-Times of India, Bangalore

After all the stress due to work, I was only too keen on having the best of times while at SAYC. However, I was put to test. I particularly remember one incident which occurred close to our arrival. A lady from The Times of India was interviewing participants from each of the SAARC countries, and I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to her. She asked me what brought me here and what I thought the youth could do to unify the region. I answered her without a beat. I said culture is the means to unify the region, as there are many cultural similarities in our region. Be it song and dance, the food or the dresses, one will see unique yet some similarities throughout. Incidentally, this was a topic Ritu and I had covered before and one of the reasons that I wanted to be at the Conference. This brief interview flicked a light in me. I realised that I had come here for a reason after all; and that reason was not to chill. 

From then on, I made a conscious effort to listen and absorb as much as I could on not only the topic I was interested in, but also on other topics. I could not lie to myself or the others. I have not done much on environmental issues; therefore the topics covered with regard to them were sometime alien to me. However, I was able to pitch in, thanks to having many friends who are environmentalist, both here in Sri Lanka and elsewhere in the world. 

I started to analyse what I really wanted to do. I started to question where my interests lie and what I was truly passionate about. It occurred to me that I was interested in many things. Be it the rights of humans or that of animals, governance issues in the country or cultural identity issues. I realized over the years, I have exposed myself to various burning issues; as a result, I was truly keen on them all. It made me tell myself, that I need to prioritise. That I need to walk a path, that one day, when I look back, I will have enjoyed, remembered and most importantly, not have regretted.

Of those participating at SAYC, I was not towards the younger end of the spectrum. I suppose I can safely say, I was in the middle; neither old nor the young. When interacting with some of the participants, some as young as 18 years of age, I realized the passion they had in what they were doing, and the early age at which they had started what they had. I was awe struck. In particular I have Kaushal from Nepal to thank. At a mere 18 years of age, he was striving to make his voice heard. He was keen on a number of different issues. Be it education, Buddhism or the environment. I remember sitting next to him during a session, and he randomly told me that the youth were not consulted when making their country’s constitution and that the constitution is yet to be passed, no matter how much it was pushed for by the people. At eighteen, I remember I was only interested in getting through to university, and I sat cramming my books to get the grades. I guess I feel life was wasted in a way. So much achieved by some at such a young age, made me wonder where I was heading.

I also realized that age is not a barrier, should you choose to walk a path you are absolutely sure about. It will not be a barrier, unless you let it! I was amazed by the number of youth that were gathered who were keen on becoming entrepreneurs. The only entrepreneur thought that crossed my mind was to set up my own PR Company, but then I realized my wings will have to be really strong should I choose to fly so high. Talking to some, I gathered that it is not important to work for someone for the sake of it, or to get the pay. If you love what you do and it is unconventional, it is all right to go solo and make what you love happen. For example, Manish had started to teach methods of organic farming to farmers in Bihar, India with his friend Shashank. It is not the usual job one would hear about, but if he did not attempt to break the barrier, who would have? Then there was Shreyaz, who was so passionate about becoming an entrepreneur, he would question each and every resource person that came, in an attempt to find answers to the burning questions he had, to take him on his journey. There were more, too many to named individually. I know I was not able to talk to each and everyone on a broad scale but I was truly dumbfounded.

My interest during the entire stay was looking at the cultural factor. True, it had me up at all odd hours of the night, talking and getting to know others, but I would not take back a single moment of it. As a result, I had the wonderful opportunity to make beautiful friendships with Bhutanis, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis; three countries I did not have a single friend from. However, thanks to the SAYC, I am now regionally connected. I am honoured to say that I have good friends from all eight South Asian countries, yes, even Sri Lanka.

My Family: SAMBHAV
pic courtesy of Puran Rasaily from Bhutan

During the Conference, I was reminded again that the Indians and Pakistanis maybe divided by a border line, but their cultures and language go beyond these superficial boundaries. In my “family” when the Indians would suddenly break in to Hindi and passionately talk about something, I did feel left out, but it was amazing to see the Nepali pitching in and then in turn translating to the Bhutani. It was then that I got to know that Nepalese and Bhutanese were mutually intelligible just like Hindi [India] and Urdu [Pakistan] are. Afghans too have no problem interacting with the Indians and Pakistanis. [All three languages have Persian roots.] It then got me thinking about the other South Asian countries. I realized that Sinhala [one of the official languages of Sri Lanka] cannot be understood by any of the nations, but we had the upper hand in understanding Hindi, due to the Sanskrit roots in the two languages. Tamil [the other official language in Sri Lanka] was understood by those present from Tamilnadu, but that was all. Dhivehi [Maldives] had the same problem. Since it was derived from Sinhala centuries ago, there were similar words, which I was able to understand. However, the crux of the language was lost to me. The Bangladeshis were understood by the Bengalis from India. Therefore, it struck me that this region which is home to many burning tensions, can solve its problems if the youth marched forward and made things happen. As for us youth, we do not see the political barriers. I am confident if youth headed the talks between India and Pakistan, there would not be any issue there today.

I realized that in music and dance we find commonalities. The Sri Lankan delegation sang Sasanda Sasanda during the cultural night and without understanding the song or knowing the meaning, our friends [we have become too close to say otherwise] started dancing around us. It opened my eyes! We were talking about a cart wheel which was turning on the road on its journey and here that was depicted by the circle that was formed.

I could go on and on, but I think it is sufficiant to say that if we put our minor differences apart and look at the similarities and strive to work together united, we, South Asia can stand so strong that we can be a power unknown till now. Here is wishing that this will one day come true. Moreover here is my promise that I will, in my little way, help to make this happen!